Inspiration Through Stories and Literature

Parents are Tragedy! Are They?

2009-10-30T14:13:00.004+06:00

It was one of the most memorable workshops that I have ever conducted. The other day, I asked participants to complete a group activity and share at least one heart touching story. One of the weakest groups shared a story that re-touched my heart and made me feel some tears in my eyes.

Thought to share what I heard the other day.

They said, An 80 year old man was sitting on the chair in his house along with his 45 years old highly educated son. Suddenly a crow perched on their window.

The Father asked his Son, "What is this?" The Son replied "It is a crow".

After a few minutes, the Father asked his Son the 2nd time, "What is this?" The Son said "Father, I have just now told you "It's a crow".

After a little while, the old Father again asked his Son the 3rd time, What is this?" At this time some expressions of irritation were felt in the Son's tone when he said to his Father with a rebuff. "It's a crow, a crow".

A little after, the Father again asked his Son the 4th time, "What is this?" This time the Son shouted at his Father, "Why do you keep asking me the same question again and again, although I have told you so many times 'IT IS A CROW'. Are you not able to understand this?"

A little later the Father went to his room and came back with an old tattered diary, which he had maintained since his Son was born. On opening a page, he asked his Son to read that page. When the son read it, the following words were written in the diary:-

"Today my little son aged three was sitting with me on the chair, when a crow was sitting on the window. My Son asked me 23 times what it was, and I replied to him all 23 times that it was a Crow. I hugged him lovingly each time he asked me the same question again and again for 23 times. I did not at all feel irritated I rather felt affection for my innocent child".

One of the group members ended the story with a hand-written note, “I wish if my parents were alive – I need to sorry them”

Well, not surprisingly I found few participants literally crying after this story and two of them left the conference room and didn’t come back. I don’t know why.

What I understood is, while the little child asked him 23 times "What is this", the Father had felt no irritation in replying to the same question all 23 times and when today the Father asked his Son the same question just 4 times, the Son felt irritated and annoyed.

If your parents attain old age, do not repulse them or look at them as a burden, but speak to them a gracious word, be cool, obedient, humble and kind to them. Be considerate to your parents.

From today say this aloud, "I want to see my parents happy forever. They have cared for me ever since I was a little child. They have always showered their selfless love on me. They crossed all mountains and valleys without seeing the storm and heat to make me a person presentable in the society today".

Say a prayer to God, "I will serve my old parents in the BEST way. I will say all good and kind words to my dear parents, no matter how they behave.

You now have two choices, either watch the above mentioned presentation or continue reading. Here you go with a collection of few requests from old parents:

The day you find that we have become very old , try to have some patience with us and try to understand us.

If we get dirty while eating … If we have some difficulty dressing… be patient! Remember the hours that we spent teaching you these things when you were small.

If we repeat the same thing dozens of time, do not interrupt us! When you were small, you wanted us to tell you the same story again and again until you fell asleep. And we did it happily!

By seeing our ignorance of new technologies, do not laugh at us but give me time to understand these.

If we do not wash ourselves so often under the shower, do not reprimand and do not tell us that it is a shame. Remember how many excuses we had to invent to make you take a bath when you were small.

We taught you so many things …. to eat well …to dress well… to behave well… how to confront the problems of the life … Help us in the same way as when we held your hands to teach you take your first steps.

If we sometimes lose memory or are not able to follow a conversation, give us the necessary time to recollect and if we do not get there, do not become nervous and arrogant person because the most important thing for us… is to be with you and to be able to speak to you.

You do not have to feel sad, unfortunate or incompetent in front of our old age and of our state of mind. You have to stay near us, try to understand what we lived for.

Help us enjoy every moment now as after your birth we compromised and lived our lives for you only.

Don’t shout at us, we feel running out of home far away from everyone similarly you felt once in your childhood.

Don’t panic if you find us sad and quiet. We may not be able to catch the speed of your generation.

Help us walk, help us to end our lives with love and patience. The only thing that we need from you is a smile and a lot of love.

We don’t like the way you talk to us in front of your friends and spouse.

Do you still think that we have enough, energy and patience time to compromise more

Try to understand that at certain age, we do not really live any more. We simply survive!

We know you don’t like our some friends – You remember, We didn’t like your friends too, but always let you party with them.

And when one day, we shall say that we do not want to live any more … that we want to die, do not get angry … because one day, you will also understand!

Parents (Late)
You wish if were alive…

I believe that if you have reached the end, you must be in a different state of mind. Write me an email now and share what you feel and then go back to parents and hug them.

You Are Never Helpless

2009-06-12T23:08:00.001+06:00

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.

The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble.

The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.

When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.

With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.

Moral cowardice that keeps us from speaking our minds is as dangerous to this country as irresponsible talk. The right way is not always the popular and easy way. Standing for right when it is unpopular is a true test of moral character.

If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream.

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.

Abraham Lincoln did not go to Gettysburg having commissioned a poll to find out what would sell in Gettysburg. There were no people with percentages for him, cautioning him about this group or that group or what they found in exit polls a year earlier. When will we have the courage of Lincoln?

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.

Weaknesses Are Strengths

2009-06-12T23:02:00.003+06:00

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

I find working with glass meditative, almost therapeutic. I can leave the world behind, and focus... The simplicity of form, the drama of rich, intense colour, the joy of challenge, and the challenge of endurance... The piece, when it is over, is not what is made, but how it is made.

Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.

When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.

I am comforted by life's stability, by earth's unchangeable. What has seemed new and frightening assumes its place in the unfolding of knowledge. It is good to know our universe. What is new is only new to us.

The key question isn't "What fosters creativity?" But it is why in God's name isn't everyone creative? Where was the human potential lost? How was it crippled?

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen.

And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.

I think therefore a good question might be not why do people create? But why do people not create or innovate? We have got to abandon that sense of amazement in the face of creativity, as if it were a miracle if anybody created anything.

A painter told me that nobody could draw a tree without in some sort becoming a tree; or draw a child by studying the outlines of its form merely . . . but by watching for a time his motions and plays, the painter enters into his nature and can then draw him at every attitude . . .

The life of the creative man is lead, directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes.

It is worth mentioning, for future reference, that the creative power which bubbles so pleasantly in beginning a new book quiets down after a time, and one goes on more steadily.

Doubts creep in. Then one becomes resigned. Determination not to give in, and the sense of an impending shape keep one at it more than anything.

Two Frogs

2009-06-12T22:59:00.002+06:00

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.

If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right.

To value his own good opinion, a child has to feel that he is a worthwhile person. He has to have confidence in himself as an individual.

Without self-confidence we are as babes in the cradle. And how can we generate this imponderable quality, which is yet so invaluable, most quickly? By thinking that other people are inferior to oneself.

How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox.

One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.

Freedom is not merely the opportunity to do as one pleases; neither is it merely the opportunity to choose between set alternatives. Freedom is, first of all, the chance to formulate the available choices, to argue over them -- and then, the opportunity to choose.

If we value independence, if we are disturbed by the growing conformity of knowledge, of values, of attitudes, which our present system induces, then we may wish to set up conditions of learning which make for uniqueness, for self-direction, and for self-initiated learning.

Love, like truth and beauty, is concrete. Love is not fundamentally a sweet feeling; not, at heart, a matter of sentiment, attachment, or being "drawn toward."

Love is active, effective, a matter of making reciprocal and mutually beneficial relation with one's friends and enemies.

My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny.

I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.

What you always do before you make a decision is consult. The best public policy is made when you are listening to people who are going to be impacted. Then, once policy is determined, you call on them to help you sell it.

There Is Always A Better Way

2009-06-12T22:53:00.002+06:00

Everything we do - we feel it's the best. Creativity and Innovation starts from where human stop one their efforts. There is always a room for doing things in much a better way.

I don't think one can accurately measure the historical effectiveness of a poem; but one does know, of course, that books influence individuals; and individuals, although they are part of large economic and social processes, influence history. Every mass is after all made up of millions of individuals.

There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.

To me success means effectiveness in the world, that I am able to carry my ideas and values into the world -- that I am able to change it in positive ways.

What is the manager's job? It is to direct the resources and the efforts of the business toward opportunities for economically significant results. This sounds trite -- and it is.

But every analysis of actual allocation of resources and efforts in business that I have ever seen or made showed clearly that the bulk of time, work, attention, and money first goes to problems rather than to opportunities, and, secondly, to areas where even extraordinarily successful performance will have minimal impact on results.

The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say "I." And that's not because they have trained themselves not to say "I." They don't think "I." They think "we"; they think "team." They understand their job to be to make the team function.

They accept responsibility and don't sidestep it, but "we" gets the credit. This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out.

Flying off the handle sometimes causes hammers and humans to lose their heads, as well as their effectiveness.

The 04 Wives

2009-06-12T22:49:00.002+06:00

Wherever we may come alive, that is the area in which we are spiritual.

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.

The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious - the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science.

The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself. People living deeply have no fear of death.

Sometimes people get the mistaken notion that spirituality is a separate department of life, the penthouse of existence. But rightly understood, it is a vital awareness that pervades all realms of our being.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

Ethical Humanism is primarily an attitude about human beings, their worth, and the significance of their lives. It is concerned with the nature and quality of living; the character and creativity of our relationships. Because of this concern, humanism spontaneously flowers into a spiritual movement in its own right.

The unique personality which is the real life in me, I can not gain unless I search for the real life, the spiritual quality, in others.

I am myself spiritually dead unless I reach out to the fine quality dormant in others. For it is only with the god enthroned in the innermost shrine of the other, that the god hidden in me, will consent to appear.

Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love.

Energy conveys to us the idea of motion and activity. Inside a living organism we see a source of power, which by some manner is released in terms of movement.... Life is energy... it is the creator or initiator of movement change, development.

We are different from moment to moment because the life principle is at work with us.... The spirit of humanity, like the forces of nature, and like the physical life, is at bottom energy.... Spiritual life, therefore, is just as much a development out of what has gone before in the evolutionary process as physical life is; which means that the origin of spiritual life is from within.

Strength Of Facing Change

2009-06-12T22:46:00.002+06:00

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.

Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength.

The labor movement is organized upon a principle that the strong shall help the weak. The strength of a strong man is a prideful thing, but the unfortunate thing in life is that strong men do not remain strong.

And it is just as true of unions and labor organizations as is true of men and individuals. And whereas today the craft unions of this country may be able to stand upon their own feet and like mighty oaks stand before the gale, defy the lightning, yet the day may come when those organizations will not be able to withstand the lightning and the gale.

Now, prepare yourselves by making a contribution to your less fortunate brethren... Organize the unorganized!

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my strength lies solely in my tenacity.

If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

I am comforted by life's stability, by earth's unchangeableness. What has seemed new and frightening assumes its place in the unfolding of knowledge. It is good to know our universe. What is new is only new to us.

Those who contemplate the beauty of the earth find reserves of strength that will endure as long as life lasts.

All too often arrogance accompanies strength, and we must never assume that justice is on the side of the strong. The use of power must always be accompanied by moral choice.

Put the Glass Down

2009-05-12T22:16:00.002+06:00

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.

If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.

This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.

Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.

The mere possession of a vision is not the same as living it, nor can we encourage others with it if we do not, ourselves, understand and follow its truths. The pattern of the Great Spirit is over us all, but if we follow our own spirits from within, our pattern becomes clearer.

For centuries, others have sought their visions. They prepare themselves, so that if the Creator desires them to know their life's purpose, then a vision would be revealed. To be blessed with visions is not enough...we must live them!

I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort.

My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference.

Yes there is a meaning; at least for me, there is one thing that matters - to set a chime of words tinkling in the minds of a few fastidious people.

Puppies For Sale

2009-05-12T21:59:00.001+06:00

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. However, one cannot put a quart in a pint cup.

Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next.

I always try to believe the best of everybody -- it saves so much trouble.It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.

All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.

It may well be that our means are fairly limited and our possibilities restricted when it comes to applying pressure on our government. But is this a reason to do nothing? Despair is nor an answer. Neither is resignation. Resignation only leads to indifference, which is not merely a sin but a punishment.

That only a few, under any circumstances, protest against the injustice of long-established laws and customs, does not disprove the fact of the oppressions, while the satisfaction of the many, if real only proves their apathy and deeper degradation.

Disobedience, the rarest and most courageous of the virtues, is seldom distinguished from neglect, the laziest and commonest of the vices.

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -- the apathy of human beings.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world's problems.

The death of democracy is not likely to be an assassination from ambush. It will be a slow extinction from apathy, indifference, and undernourishment.

Instead of saying that man is the creature of circumstance, it would be nearer the mark to say that man is the architect of circumstance.

The apathy of the people is enough to make every statue leap from its pedestal and hasten the resurrection of the dead.

One Dollar Story

2009-05-12T21:55:00.001+06:00

In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future. The family is the nucleus of civilization.

In each family a story is playing itself out, and each family's story embodies its hope and despair.

American families have always shown remarkable resiliency, or flexible adjustment to natural, economic, and social challenges. Their strengths resemble the elasticity of a spider web, a gull's skillful flow with the wind, the regenerating power of perennial grasses, the cooperation of an ant colony, and the persistence of a stream carving canyon rocks. These are not the strengths of fixed monuments but living organisms. This resilience is not measured by wealth, muscle or efficiency but by creativity, unity, and hope. Cultivating these family strengths is critical to a thriving human community.

To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.

Becoming responsible adults is no longer a matter of whether children hang up there pajamas or put dirty towels in the hamper, but whether they care about themselves and others -- and whether they see everyday chores as related to how we treat this planet.

Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.

Don't hold your parents up to contempt. After all, you are their son, and it is just possible that you may take after them.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to this country and to mankind is to bring up a family.

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

Writing is a solitary occupation. Family, friends, and society are the natural enemies of the writer. He must be alone, uninterrupted, and slightly savage if he is to sustain and complete an undertaking.

Old Grandfather

2009-05-10T18:05:00.001+06:00

How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?

In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a "getaway." We cannot love and be limited.

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it's when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

I am like a falling star who has finally found her place next to another in a lovely constellation, where we will sparkle in the heavens forever.

If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.

A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation.

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.

Only connect! That was the whole of her sermon. Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height. Live in fragments no longer. Only connect...

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.

When we understand that man is the only animal who must create meaning, who must open a wedge into neutral nature, we already understand the essence of love.

Love is the problem of an animal who must find life, create a dialogue with nature in order to experience his own being.

To be loved for what one is, is the greatest exception. The great majority love in others only what they lend him, their own selves, their version of him.

To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia -- to mistake an ordinary young man for a Greek god or an ordinary young woman for a goddess.

Madness - Inspirational

2009-05-10T17:59:00.002+06:00

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four; calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.

It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away."

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong.

Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.

There are no whole truths: all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.

When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow.

Whenever you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Postmodernists believe that truth is myth, and myth, truth. This equation has its roots in pop psychology. The same people also believe that emotions are a form of reality. There used to be another name for this state of mind. It used to be called psychosis.

There is no squabbling so violent as that between people who accepted an idea yesterday and those who will accept the same idea tomorrow.

There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings.

History is the present. That's why every generation writes it anew. But what most people think of as history is its end product, myth.

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.

Looking At all Perspectives

2009-05-10T17:57:00.001+06:00

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.

The man who is anybody and who does anything is surely going to be criticized, vilified, and misunderstood. This is part of the penalty for greatness, and evey man understands, too, that it is no proof of greatness.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

Men in authority will always think that criticism of their policies is dangerous. They will always equate their policies with patriotism, and find criticism subversive.

If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them.

I would rather be attacked than unnoticed. For the worst thing you can do to an author is to be silent as to his works. An assault upon a town is a bad thing; but starving it is still worse.

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.

Dont Hate People Dont Degrade Them

2009-05-10T17:54:00.001+06:00

Collective fear stimulates herd instinct, and tends to produce ferocity toward those who are not regarded as members of the herd.

The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves.

We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves.

We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves.

Passionate hatreds can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.

These people haunted by the purposelessness of their lives try to find a new content not only by dedicating themselves to a holy cause but also by nursing a fanatical grievance.

A mass movement offers them unlimited opportunies for battle.

The sage said, "The best thing is not to hate anyone, only to love. That is the only way out of it. As soon as you have forgiven those whom you hate, you have gotten rid of them. Then you have no reason to hate them; you just forget.

During times of war, hatred becomes quite respectable, even though it has to masquerade often under the guise of patriotism.

We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.

Hatred ever kills, love never dies. Such is the vast difference between the two. What is obtained by love is retained for all time. What is obtained by hatred proves a burden in reality for it increases hatred.

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired.

Without something to hate, we should lose the very spring of thought and action.

Creativity In Images

2009-05-10T17:51:00.001+06:00

One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.

The key question isn't "What fosters creativity?" But it is why in God's name isn't everyone creative? Where was the human potential lost? How was it crippled? I think therefore a good question might be not why do people create? But why do people not create or innovate?

We have got to abandon that sense of amazement in the face of creativity, as if it were a miracle if anybody created anything.

The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.

Conditions for creativity are to be puzzled; to concentrate; to accept conflict and tension; to be born everyday; to feel a sense of self.

Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.

The things we fear most in organizations -- fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances -- are the primary sources of creativity.

The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours.

No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.

Creativity arises out of the tension between spontaneity and limitations, the latter (like the river banks) forcing the spontaneity into the various forms which are essential to the work of art or poem.

Confusing Facts - Inspirational Facts

2009-05-10T17:48:00.001+06:00

How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself?

If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox.

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled.

For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality.

Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress.

Be Wise In Your Decisions

2009-05-10T17:45:00.002+06:00

Guts are important. Your guts are what digest things. But it is your brains that tell you which things to swallow and which not to swallow.

It is no longer enough to be smart -- all the technological tools in the world add meaning and value only if they enhance our core values, the deepest part of our heart. Acquiring knowledge is no guarantee of practical, useful application. Wisdom implies a mature integration of appropriate knowledge, a seasoned ability to filter the inessential from the essential.

Life is the only real counselor; wisdom unfiltered through personal experience does not become a part of the moral tissue.

The truest greatness lies in being kind, the truest wisdom in a happy mind.One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything.

We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future.Too bad that all the people who really know how to run the country are busy driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.

I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace.A man is wise with the wisdom of his time only, and ignorant with its ignorance.

The quality of our thoughts is bordered on all sides by our facility with language.Strategic planning is worthless -- unless there is first a strategic vision.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Insight, I believe, refers to the depth of understanding that comes by setting experiences, yours and mine, familiar and exotic, new and old, side by side, learning by letting them speak to one another.

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.

I Am Sorry - Inspirational Story

2009-05-10T17:41:00.003+06:00

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in.

Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it is only good for wallowing in.

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.

If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem. It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

A man is wise with the wisdom of his time only, and ignorant with its ignorance.An age is called Dark, not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it.

What's encouraging about meditation is that even if we shut down, we can no longer shut down in ignorance. We see very clearly that we're closing off. That in itself begins to illuminate the darkness of ignorance.

Ignorance is preferable to error, and he is less remote from the truth who believes nothing than he who believes what is wrong.

Inspirations From Problems

2009-05-10T17:38:00.000+06:00

All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.

Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it.

Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.

Bart Giamatti did not grow up (as he had dreamed) to play second base for the Red Sox. He became a professor at Yale, and then, in time . . . president of the National Baseball League. He never lost his love for the Boston Red Sox. It was as a Red Sox fan, he later realized that human beings are fallen, and that life is filled with disappointment. The path to comprehending Calvinism in modern America, he decided, begins at Fenway Park.

Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

Keep in mind that our community is not composed of those who are already saints, but of those who are trying to become saints. Therefore let us be extremely patient with each other's faults and failures.

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

Learn wisdom from the ways of a seedling. A seedling which is never hardened off through stressful situations will never become a strong productive plant.

The Pencil Parable

2009-05-10T17:36:00.001+06:00

We only regard those unions as real examples of love and real marriages in which a fixed and unalterable decision has been taken. If men or women contemplate an escape, they do not collect all their powers for the task. In none of the serious and important tasks of life do we arrange such a "getaway." We cannot love and be limited.

Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it's not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won't. it's whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.

I'm doing what I think I was put on this earth to do. And I'm really grateful to have something that I'm passionate about and that I think is profoundly important.

A lot of people are waiting for Martin Luther King or Mahatma Gandhi to come back -- but they are gone. We are it. It is up to us. It is up to you.

The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one. Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt but in spite of doubt.

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

Individual commitment to a group effort -- that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.

Story Of A Carpenter

2009-05-10T17:33:00.001+06:00

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.

Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn't know it must learn and find by experience that a quiet conscience makes one strong.

The remarkable thing is that we really love our neighbor as ourselves: we do unto others as we do unto ourselves. We hate others when we hate ourselves. We are tolerant toward others when we tolerate ourselves. We forgive others when we forgive ourselves. We are prone to sacrifice others when we are ready to sacrifice ourselves.

The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us. 'Tis good to give a stranger a meal, or a night's lodging. 'Tis better to be hospitable to his good meaning and thought, and give courage to a companion. We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing to give the advantage of a good light.

Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.

Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice.

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

Value Of Time

2009-05-10T17:30:00.001+06:00

Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.

Events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves they find their own order the continuous thread of revelation.

The finest workers in stone are not copper or steel tools, but the gentle touches of air and water working at their leisure with a liberal allowance of time.

Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever.

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems -- but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems incredible.

It's no good trying to keep up old friendships. It's painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it.

An Average Person

2009-05-10T16:54:00.001+06:00

A religious man is a person who holds God and man in one thought at one time, at all times, who suffers harm done to others, whose greatest passion is compassion, whose greatest strength is love and defiance of despair. [New York Journal-American, April 5, 1963]

The problem to be faced is: how to combine loyalty to one's own tradition with reverence for different traditions.

That I am not a member of any Christian Church, is true; but I have never denied the truth of the Scriptures; and I have never spoken with intentional disrespect of religion in general, or of any denomination of Christians in particular.

What do I believe? As an American I believe in generosity, in liberty, in the rights of man. These are social and political faiths that are part of me, as they are, I suppose, part of all of us. Such beliefs are easy to express. But part of me too is my relation to all life, my religion. And this is not so easy to talk about. Religious experience is highly intimate and, for me, ready words are not at hand.

I do not believe in the immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern without any superhuman authority behind it.

All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.

What is the meaning of human life, or of organic life altogether? To answer this question at all implies a religion. Is there any sense then, you ask, in putting it? I answer, the man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfortunate but almost disqualified for life.

Scientists were rated as great heretics by the church, but they were truly religious men because of their faith in the orderliness of the universe.

Green Ping Pong Ball

2009-05-10T16:51:00.001+06:00

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort.

Fanaticism consists of redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim.

I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.

Some give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal; while others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment, more vigorous efforts than ever before.

Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world.

Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.

Leaders aren't born they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that's the price we'll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.

The Bad Past

2009-05-10T16:47:00.002+06:00

Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.

The only person who never makes mistakes is the person who never does anything. But this does not mean to repeat same mistakes again and again.Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's.

If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.

Strong people make as many mistakes as weak people. Difference is that strong people admit their mistakes, laugh at them, learn from them. That is how they become strong.

Do not be embarrassed by your mistakes. Nothing can teach us better than our understanding of them. This is one of the best ways of self-education.

Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible -- the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.

He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes, and will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today.

What Is Your Price?

2009-05-10T16:44:00.001+06:00

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Team Race - Management Lesson

2009-05-10T16:41:00.000+06:00

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.

I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: which is: Try to please everybody.

There's nothing more demoralizing than a leader who can't clearly articulate why we're doing what we're doing.

A leader or a man of action in a crisis almost always acts subconsciously and then thinks of the reasons for his action.

Rebirth of an Eagle

2009-05-10T16:34:00.002+06:00

he truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on. It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.

Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it.

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.

Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed.

Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation.

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Height of Imagination

2009-05-10T16:28:00.003+06:00

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create.

Apathy can be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things: first, an ideal, with takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite intelligible plan for carrying that ideal into practice.

Imagination disposes of everything; it creates beauty, justice, and happiness, which are everything in this world.

Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But without it we go nowhere. Nothing happens unless first we dream.

Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.

Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one.

A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping we are becoming.

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.

Idea Rebirth!

2009-05-10T16:24:00.002+06:00

If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day. Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it.

Guts are important. Your guts are what digest things. But it is your brains that tell you which things to swallow and which not to swallow.

To understand reality is not the same as to know about outward events. It is to perceive the essential nature of things. The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential. But on the other hand, knowledge of an apparently trivial detail quite often makes it possible to see into the depth of things.

And so the wise man will seek to acquire the best possible knowledge about events, but always without becoming dependent upon this knowledge. To recognize the significant in the factual is wisdom.

2009-05-10T15:55:00.011+06:00

Confidence Building Articles

10 Self Esteem Exercises

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Women And Self Esteem

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07 Secrets Of A Confident Woman

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The Principle of Success

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The Power of Thought

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Building A Positive Identity

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Learning From Failure

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How To Overcome Low Self Esteem

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How To Love Yourself

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How To Build Self-Esteem?

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Be The Queen Of Self Esteem

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Five Self-Growth Questions

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Boost Your Confidence Further!

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7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness

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10 Ways to Start Taking Control

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07 Tips to Increase Confidence

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10 Terrific Self Motivating Tips

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Build Confidence With Enthusiasm

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Great Confidence Builder Tips

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Seven Powerful Confidence Tips

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Confidence To Improve Your Life

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Being Confident at All Times

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How Do You Build Self-Confidence?

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Ways to Expand Your Comfort Zone

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10 Self Esteem Exercises

2008-11-25T01:31:00.003+05:00

by Menelaos Christophi

Self esteem is something that can be improved by systematic effort by the person itself. Below there are 10 self esteem exercises that can be followed by a couple to improve each others' self esteem and develop a more quality relationship between them.

1. The unconditional acceptance

The complete and unconditional acceptance is the most stable foundation to build the self-esteem. Without self esteem, a marriage is left in the hands of our emotions that are a non-permanent element.

2. Forget the past

You need to adopt a positive and hopeful perspective against a background where your partner has proved inadequate. Do not always refer to the past and remind your partner for his/her failures. Forget the past and try to praise your partner’s skills and capabilities.

3. Be careful on what you say

It is unbelievable how much power is contained in the words we speak - what words we use and their effect on people of our environment. The words have the power either to destroy a healthy self-esteem and personality or to reverse the negative image that someone has for himself. In your mouth is''life''and''death''.

4. Be supportive in the difficult moments

Within the storms and problems of your marriage, instead of rejecting each other, it is better to build and support each other. Being supportive will not only raise your partner’s self esteem but it will also improve your self esteem because the feeling you get when you give is one of the factors that can make you feel better and make your self esteem better.

5. Free your partner from the feelings of failure.

Free your partner from the prison of "performance and results", with the gold key that says "freedom from the fear of failure". One of the most common reasons that may impact someone’s self esteem is the fear of failure. If you constantly criticize your partner about his/her failures then in the long run this will impact self esteem. Try to be supportive and do not always judge your partner based on its performance and results.

6. Say "thank you" more often

Paying attention to your partner and saying thank you shows your appreciation, love and commitment. It will not only make you feel good but it will also bring joy to your partner and feeling of happiness that can fight low self esteem.

7. Do the right think

The sincere praise for your partner's choices helps to adopt a lifestyle with obedience to moral principles.

8. Help your partner to develop friendships.

When you urge your partner to make close friends you give others the opportunity to show their appreciation to your partner, and to your partner the opportunity to prove that he/she is very important.

9. Keep life under your control

You should not act spasmodically, with feelings of anger, impatience, and neglect but you need to take decisions very seriously, being focused in helping your partner to build a strong personality full of self-esteem. Problems will always appear in the way but you need to manage your life and also assist your partner to manage their life as well.

10. Discover dignity through the result

It is of great importance to invest in this objective - to build a better personal image for our partner - as this will help us to survive in the arena of life. Our dignity is proved by the result of our effort. Open your hands and offer love to your partner.

Women And Self Esteem

2008-11-25T01:30:00.003+05:00

Let's go global for a moment.

Competition, comparing, coveting and protecting borders is what is creating the turmoil in our world. Point our fingers at others, and singing our national anthems louder than everyone else creates separateness and protectionism.

Now lets take it to a personal level.

Woman energy is about cooperation and support. Isn't that what we try to teach our children? To share and be kind? Do we want our kids to think they are better than others? Why do we give ourselves permission to do it?

It is not kind or sharing to knock holes in someone else.

You know at a meaningful level that competition and comparison when done to feel superior does not support personal growth and inner peace.

Inner peace comes with knowing that you are connected to the whole. You are not better or worse than anyone else. Your sense of self-esteem and worth come from your connection to your life purpose. You don't have to feel superior to feel serene.

Here are 3 reasons to let go of critical and competitive behaviors.

1. Having a Critical Heart is bad for your development.

Go inside and check in with the way it feels to point out another person's shortcoming. If you are the type of woman who is actually reading this article in the first place, you know that it is not good for you. It is not who you really are. It is small and petty and beneath your dignity. Stop doing it!

Those who actually enjoy the feeling of being critical of others, are not reading this. They are living the big fat lie, and playing the small and shallow version of the Game called Life. They don't see the big picture and that's ok for them. This is about you.

You will never enjoy true inner happiness with a critical heart. Rather than compare and point out the holes in someone else's socks, try looking for reasons to compliment.

2. When you are only trying to be better than someone else, you are totally missing the mark on your true potential.

Why settle for being just better than another human, when you can reach the stars?

You may think that being better than someone else somehow elevates you, but that is a tremendous lie. That kind of thinking will keep you small and living in a shallow world.
Your personal power comes from living a life of integrity and being the best version of yourself you can.

Take your focus off of other people and put it on you. The Law of Attraction will pick up on your
positive vibration and give you more positive to enjoy.

3. The need to compare and compete is caused by an underlying self-esteem problem.

If you felt great about who you are and grateful for the incredible abundance you enjoy, you would have no need to make some one else be small.

You should be trying to be the best you can be... set your goal higher than simply being better than another human being.

If you are aware of a tendency to compare, judge, criticize and compete it is a sign that you need to work on your issues around self-worth and esteem.

Put away your measuring stick and pick up your vision for your best self instead. Take being critical and competitive off of your personal resume. It really looks bad. You are better than that! Reach for the stars!

07 Secrets Of A Confident Woman

2008-11-25T01:29:00.003+05:00

by Scott Smallwood

The yearnings of a woman’s heart and the way her life is are often miles apart. The confident and secure woman knows what she wants and goes after it with unflappable action, undeterred by obstacles that come up along the way.

1. A confident & secure woman REPOSITIONS HERSELF

A confident woman never forgets the one thing that never changes –THINGS CONSTANTLY CHANGE.

With the winds of change ever blowing, a secure woman realizes that she may not currently possess all the tools that will take her to her goal, but she’s always ready to learn what she needs to know in order to get there. This may mean going back to school, changing job or vocations or even moving to a different location, but she is ready, willing and able to adapt to changing circumstances.

2. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO GIVE AND TAKE

A confident woman understands that the gift is in the giving. She knows the laws that tell her what she gives will return to her several times over. She will give her time, energy and even her heart to those who need her. However, she also knows that she is not a super human and she does not over-extend herself. She regularly takes time for herself! She also recognizes that she has limits and, at times, finds herself in a position of needing assistance and is not afraid to ask for what she needs.

3. A confident & secure woman LIVES IN THE PRESENT

Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future is the bread of idleness that a confident woman refuses to eat. When recalling the past, she does not allow herself to dwell there but, rather, refocuses on the here and now. She understands that her past experiences, whether joyful or painful, are a part of her and have made her the confident person that she is today. She learns from the past and uses that information for current decision making. She has hopes for the future and engages in the occasional daydream while keeping herself solidly in the present tense of her life.

4. A confident & secure woman KEEPS HERE EYE ON THE PRIZE

Not everything we do comes up roses. To expect perfection is cavalier, but to know that mistakes are a part of the journey is wisdom. This knowledge allows the confident woman to refuse to pity herself when something doesn’t turn out as she’d hoped or expected it would.

5. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO SAY NO

Women have too little time and too much responsibility. The demands of jobs, child care, household duties, etc. are often draining. Having time to herself seems to be a far-fetched dream for many women.

The confident woman knows her limits and her need for self care. She understands that in order to be able to accomplish all that she wants/needs to do, she MUST have adequate energy reserves from which to draw. While sympathetic and even flattered when her phone rings off the hook with others making requests of her, she is able to pick and choose those people or causes to which/whom she will devote her time and energy. She knows when she needs to politely decline so that she will have time to recharge herself or to ward off becoming overwhelmed. She also does not feel a need to offer apologies or excuses for needing to do so.

6. A confident & secure woman TRUSTS HER INNER VOICE

While she may occasionally feel uncertain or seek the counsel of others, the confident woman knows deep down that her own heart will give her the direction she needs. While this intuition may be said to be a characteristic of all women, it is one that becomes refined only with age, wisdom and experience. The secure woman will carefully consider all the information at her disposal, seek advice from those she respects and then turn to that little voice inside of herself and become her own best counsel.

7. A confident & secure woman DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

If we allow ourselves to think too much about something or consider every little thing that could possibly come up or go awry, we can soon make mountains out of molehills. The secure woman is able to separate the chaff from the grain and focus only on those things of primary concern to her in any situation. She does not micro manage herself or her affairs. Rather, she focuses on the broader picture along with the key ingredients that are needed to solve her problem or reach her goal. She possesses inner strength and the wisdom to be able to create, change and adapt as necessary.

The Principle of Success

2008-11-25T01:27:00.003+05:00

What is success?

I am not going to try to define success. I think a precise definition is impossible. Is it winning a Gold Medal at the Olympic Games or winning Wimbledon, or being awarded a Nobel prize? What else? I believe personal success could be anything at all - it does not have to involve public recognition. Who is more successful? A millionaire who is unhappy, or an unnoticed person who has led a simple, happy life? The simplest definition of success I think is 'to set out to do something and to succeed in doing it'. It really doesn't matter what, or how humble the undertaking is...

Believe you can succeed and you will. Achieving success in whatever endeavor you choose may be the goal of life. Because it gives you freedom from worry. Could that be?

Success means different things to every one of us. Some people believe it is measured in financial terms, ie.. having wealth; others believe it is helping others rather than helping themselves. A bit of both perhaps! Or it could be simply achieving for achievement's sake. Success is such a personal thing. To many people it is the very root of their being - the reason for existing is to achieve something worthwhile in our lives. To the vast majority of the population it doesn't matter much whether they want to be successful or not; that's OK by me, as long as that is what you really want and you are happy with life. However, most people want and are motivated to a great extent by public recognition and a relentless pursuit of achievement. How many people too are really happy? How many people are really doing what they want to with their lives? ( Incidentally, the ability to imagine, makes us different from animals).

No matter what motivates you personally...whatever you choose to do with your life, don't expect instant success. The years of struggle, commitment and learning in excelling at whatever endeavor or trade you choose, is no easy task. I would wholeheartedly agree with that statement. It takes a lot of courage, character and discipline to achieve success in any field. Nearly all successful people have doubted themselves at some point and wanted to give up. Yet they carried on. So many people give up within an inch or two away from the gold in the seam down the mine - a “whisker” away from success. One thing is for sure: success breeds SUCCESS, as it gathers a momentum of its own and you get on a “winning streak”, when everything seems to fit into place..

I like all of the following quotations. They all stand for what success means to me personally. So I'll share them with you...

"Success is the continuous journey towards the achievement of predetermined worthwhile goals."
- Tom Hopkins, American Motivator

"To live your life in your own way To reach the goals you've set for yourself To be the person you want to be - that is success."
- author anon.

and another one on a similar theme...

"There is one only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way"
- Christopher Morley

Most of all, I believe success is a matter of personal growth. If every day you are developing or growing just a millimeter (or acquiring a "teeny weenie" bit of knowledge for improving yourself that you didn't have before), I believe one is successful. So dwarfs can be very successful people too.

Just being a slightly better person each day for me is success. I've got a very long way to go then!

The Power of Thought

2008-11-25T01:26:00.003+05:00

by Inna Nirenburg

A Personal Question

What are you thinking - right now? "I'm reading your article!" you say. Well, take a little bit of a closer look. What's spinning in the back of your mind? Is it that big deadline that's looming at the end of the week? Or how you're going to deal with your mother-in-law this weekend? Or maybe you're worrying about your finances?

Are you even aware of the thoughts going through your head right now? What about... now?

Some Bad News From the Thought Police Scientists estimate that an average person will think at a rate of roughly between 1 and 4 thoughts per second while awake. That's well over 60,000 thoughts during a typical day! And, of all this jabbering going on in your head, it's estimated that you've thought over 95% of your thoughts before. So, not only is your mind generally on a constant hamster wheel, but it's also doing this spinning continuously, unproductively - and unoriginally.

The Power Between Your Ears - It's Not What You Think

Enough bad news? Ok - now here's the other side of the story. You have within you the greatest, simplest, and most powerful tool imaginable. It can lead you to great prosperity, joy, and fulfillment - or it can drop you instantly into the depths of despair and negativity.

No, I'm not talking simply about the power of thought - not even a fraction of those thousands of stale, repeat thoughts running through your head right now will be of much use to you. (Trust me; nope, not even the one wondering for the tenth time whether you turned the stove off this morning). But what is powerful is where you put your attention within all this clatter.

Mr. Webster Says:

"Attention: Concentration of the mental powers; a close or careful observing or listening". So how does that apply to you? "Concentration of the mental powers" - all too often, we give away the concentration part of our attention to things utterly undeserving. Thoughts of worry, negative predictions, minor irritations, and daily minutiae are hardly productive, and take up too much room in your head.

And this leaves very little space for the second, critical, aspect of attention: "a close or careful observing or listening". We, as a culture, don't like to sit back and listen. We prefer to be constantly inundated with forceful messages which grab our attention and don't let go. We too often forget to sit back and actually listen to the small voice of intuition. You know, the one that already has the answers that we're trying so hard to figure out.

Try It Now

Give it a shot. Really. Stop for a minute, and focus actively on your thoughts - concentrate. What are you thinking? You know, that quiet and incessant little buzz behind your eyes; that unsettled feeling - what's behind that? Now shift your attention to listening, see if there's a message waiting for you. Just below the surface, what is it saying? Listen... You're now learning to distinguish the noise of your mind from the voice of your intuition, your inner knowing - all through the tool of attention.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

There's huge power in putting your attention actively on your thoughts. This helps you to separate the you from the thought. You are not your thoughts, you are having thoughts, they are passing through your head. You are bigger than your thoughts, and you can choose whether or not you want to give them power. And you do this by either giving them your attention, or by allowing them to just float on by.

Head and Heart

And it's not just thoughts that you can focus your attention on. As cognitive psychologists and holistic healers have known for years, emotions and thoughts are deeply intertwined. One influences the other, and both influence your physical biochemistry. So learning to actively focus your attention on the thoughts and feelings you want, while letting go of those you don't want, could be the best thing you'll ever do for your health, your well being, and your happiness.

Oy Vey

"Great", you may say. "But it isn't so easy to catch my thoughts and feelings, or to do something about them. I don't even know how I feel half of the time, and the thoughts go by so quickly!" Fear not - here's are a few simple exercises.

Use Your Words

One way to "catch" your fleeting thoughts and feelings and to focus your attention on them is to "use your words". Just like a parent may tell an unruly and whining child who is about to pick a fight to "use your words" to explain what's bothering him, so can you gently nudge yourself to discipline. This may seem silly, but it's remarkably powerful. Write down or speak out loud (or into a tape recorder) exactly what the thoughts and feelings are. Articulating them clearly gives them shape and focus, and allows you much more freedom to act in a way that supports your growth.

Thanks For Sharing

Now, as for how to manage the spinning and repeating thoughts, here's a very simple and effective trick. Just like a parent knows not to take everything their child says too seriously, you can also learn to distinguish helpful thoughts and feelings from destructive ones. You can simply tell your thinker - "thanks for sharing. I will take your comments under advisement. Now, please move along".

So What?

So how does all this relate to helping you find "what's next", or guiding you to "a you-er you"? Very directly, actually. If you practice putting your direct attention on the jabbering of your mind, articulating those slippery thoughts, and consciously and purposefully telling them "thanks for sharing!" and then purposefully re-focusing your attention where YOU choose, you will begin to create the space for your true inner voice to come through.

Plant the Seeds:

Now it's your turn. Take a couple of minutes and try these exercises. Really. Try it now. You never know - hey, what's next...?

1. Practice noticing your thoughts. Try the exercise in the "Try it Now" section above. Really.

2. Use your words. Get over feeling silly, and actually write down what your thoughts are. Try speaking, try using a tape recorder. Experiment. Notice which thoughts show up over and over. Note your top 5 - make friends with them, and thank them profusely for sharing. And remember - attention is power. What thoughts are you giving your power to?

3. Choose consciously. Once you become aware of the thoughts going through your head, you can begin to make choices. For example: "Hm, I've been thinking a lot about how unhappy I am in my job. Thanks for sharing. Duly noted. I think I'll choose to focus my attention elsewhere right now, thanks."

P.S. So - what are you thinking... now?

4. Try it out: set aside 5 (just five!) minutes every day to just BE. No distractions, no thoughts, no worries, no to-do lists. After a week or two, see what you got from this experience.

Learning From Failure

2008-11-25T01:25:00.003+05:00

By Lou Stoops

Growing into success is not an easy thing to experience. You will really get knocked around a bit as you determine to win in your chosen career. The biggest drawback you have to deal with is the fear of failure. It can lead to many disastrous outcomes.

The first thing fear of failure does is breed an overcautious approach to opportunity.

Knowing when and how to utilize opportunity is fundamental to career success. Having knowledge about the opportunity, you then need to determine timing. Pros and cons listed, you make your decision. If you have a fear of failure, you might be stalled in your decision even though the opportunity passes scrutiny.

Secondly, fear of failure can keep you from speaking up and making the kind of impact that could enhance your career.

A well-spoken word that solves a problem or sparks creativity could be just the thing to get you noticed as a valuable part of the team, but if you're sitting there stewing over the kind of response you'll get, then more times than not, you'll remain silent and miss your moment to shine.

Thirdly, fear of failure causes you to miss the point of personal and professional growth.

Failing is one of the best tutors in career development. Consider the story of a new bank president who went to meet his predecessor. Upon being introduced he quickly said, "I would like to know what have been the keys to your success." The older man looked at him for a moment and replied, "Young man, I can sum it up in two words: Good decisions." To that the young man replied, "I thank you immensely for that advice, sir, but how does one come to know which are the good decisions?" "One word, young man," replied the old man. "Experience." "That's all good and well," said the young executive, "but how does one get experience?" "Two words," replied the old man, "Bad decisions."
If you really want to succeed, be prepared to grow into it. Lose your fear of failure and risk doing something that's important to you. You'll be glad you did.

How To Overcome Low Self Esteem

2008-11-25T01:24:00.003+05:00

Low self esteem is prevalent in our society these days and it strikes me that so much of it is driven by a misplaced focus on what other people think.

Do you ever find yourself concerned about what others might be thinking about you? Are you concerned about their opinion of you? If so, why? What is it that has you so concerned?

And finally, is your concern about their opinion somehow rooted in the lack of a positive opinion you may hold of yourself?

I had the opportunity to hear Bill Bartmann (the billionaire) speak recently. And he spoke about something I've rarely heard covered by the inspirational speaker/personal development guru crowd.

He spoke about failure.

Bill talked about the fact that everyone and their dog will espouse success principles to anyone who will listen. Regardless of how much success they may have achieved. And yet we know that everyone -- everyone -- has had to contend with failure in their lives. It's just part of living.

We fall down the first time we try to ride a bicycle. We get cut from the team. We get rejected in a relationship. There are countless examples throughout our lives of failures. Some of them are little failures and some are larger failures.

Bill made this one very astute observation.

Successful people are people who have failed and then learned to deal with it. Specifically, they understand that success and failure are opposite sides of the same coin. You can't have one without the other.

He went on to say that successful people have learned to accept their "failures" within the context of life and detach themselves from the labels and stigmas people as a society have attached to them. In particular, successful people detach from the opinion of others when it comes to their own self-worth.

The only opinion of themselves that matters to them is their own.

This is a very powerful observation. Because it is a key factor that distinguishes successful people from unsuccessful people. And it ties in beautifully with the importance of cultivating a positive self image ... a positive opinion of yourself.

If you fall into the trap of focusing on what you perceive to be your failures and the labels that are associated with them, you will be predisposed to caring deeply about others' opinions of you. Because you carry low self worth, you will seek validation through the opinions of others. And of course, the opinion of others is always ill informed.

They don't really know you. They don't understand what thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. So they are in no position to offer an opinion -- but of course that won't stop most people from sharing one with you.

Then, because you become so concerned about how others will perceive you and what they might say, you find yourself making decisions within the context of what you think they might think. Which of course means it's all made up anyway! You let the imagined opinions of others dictate the decisions you make in your life.

So stop right there ... and get this clearly. The only opinion of you that matters is your own.
Ever. Learn to operate from a position of confidence in your own abilities and intuition. You are the only person who truly knows you.

So what is the opinion you have of yourself? Make your decisions based on your own opinion. And this is easy to do if you have taken care to choose good thoughts about yourself.

Remember where you are going. Remember your goals. Remember you are the leader of you, just like every other successful person on the planet. Because in doing so, you will have a positive opinion about yourself and your ability to make good decisions.

In turn, this will make it so much easier for you to begin to trust yourself and make decisions that move you closer to where you are going. (Do you notice a recurring theme here?) This is a foundational principle of success, so become very clear about it. Pretty soon your low self esteem will become a distant memory because you've discovered the truth ... the only opinion of you that matters is your own.

Start adopting daily practices that support you self image and raise your self esteem.

Dear reader, this reading is not enough – you may select to go back and explore more motivation / confidence building articles or you can explore inspirational presentations by visiting http://yes-inspirations.blogspot.com/

How To Love Yourself

2008-11-25T01:23:00.003+05:00

by Sarah Elizabeth Malinak

Something that keeps people from embracing the idea of self-love is religion. Because religion deals a lot with selflessness, caring for others, being kind and good to others, it can feel like a sin to focus any attention on yourself; including the kindness and compassion religion asks you to extend to others.

So, when Fred Rogers of the “Mister Rogers” PBS television program, who was also an ordained Presbyterian minister, has something positive to say about self-love, I sit up and listen! Maybe you will too, for he had this to say, “You can’t really love someone else unless you really love yourself first.”

The reason that statement is true is because when we love ourselves, we have a reserve of love inside that allows us to give love to others with greater freedom, even abandon. When we do not love ourselves, our inner resources are shallow, even dry, so that extending our love to others makes us feel drained, resentful, even angry.

One of the gifts of religion is that it can make us feel seen and loved by God. In those moments of accepting God’s love for us, our inner reserves of love are filled. Experiencing God’s love, we love ourselves. Over time, though, because we are not taught that it is all right to love ourselves, extending ourselves to love others more than we love ourselves drains us.

Your ability to love others lies in direct proportion to your ability to love yourself. Because the world needs so much love today, learn these five steps to loving you to strengthen and enrich your inner reserves today!

First, practice giving yourself a break from your inner critic. Most of us have inner critics that are harsher and meaner than any critic that exists out there in the real world! Chances are you do not need to beat yourself up as badly as you routinely do. Make a commitment to stop the criticism you level on yourself. Catch yourself about to do it or in the middle of it and instead say, “I love you. I love you, anyway!” Feel the relief, the appreciation for taking a break from your inner critic and allow your love to flow more freely to you.

Second, smile and say, “I love you,” whenever you see your reflection! Do it as if you are happy to see you! Perhaps you did not have a parent or authority figure in your childhood who expressed genuine joy at your presence. Give that to yourself now anyway! Every single time you see your own reflection, smile, look you in the eyes, and say, “I love you.” If you are in a public place, learn how to do it silently. The little grin and raised eyebrow as you talk privately to yourself in public will make people wonder what you have been up to!

Third, quit tolerating meanness directed at you from others. Either do not dignify their taunts with a response or directly tell them to stop. When you hold yourself as someone worthy of being treated with kindness, compassion, and fairness, you will begin to communicate this expectation of others both with and without words.

Fourth, say no to something at least once a week. It may be that someone routinely makes inconvenient requests of you. Say no next time. It will take courage, especially if you have been in the habit of being his or her doormat. However, it will be worth it to stretch yourself, dig down deep for that courage, and say no. You will probably be surprised at how easily they accept it. Perhaps you have an indulgence in something harmful to you or someone you love that you need to say no to. Get busy saying no. If you need to, ask for support.

Create an I-can-say-no buddy, someone you can call up and have them support your following through with saying no.

Finally, quit expecting your parents to give you what you did not get growing up. If they did not have the attention or love or patience or whatever to give to you when you were a child and they were young adults, the chances of you getting it now are slim to none. Hanging on to that story of how they did you wrong or how they didn’t do enough or how they abused or neglected you will never, ever correct it. Let it go and do the next best thing: you love you!

You cannot make your parents show you their love the way you have always wanted. Your spouse and children cannot take their place and give you what they could not. The closest to it you can come is by giving it to yourself. Practicing these five tips will set you on a journey of self-love that will build your confidence and open your heart.

You are worth it! It is past time you focused love and nurturing on you. Blessings to you as you get started.

How To Build Self-Esteem?

2008-11-25T01:21:00.003+05:00

by Dr. Gudrun Frerichs

Self-esteem is a product of recognition through solidarity. Let me explain what that means. Within a community of peers people experience the expression of appreciation, acknowledge, valuing, and support as a sign of solidarity. When we are recognised in the above ways by people who share our values, concerns, and/or interests it means they ‘esteem’ us.

By being recognised in these ways people are able to develop self-esteem. You can see through the discussion of building self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem in the other posts that we always rely for building these positive self-relations – und therefore our identity - to a significant extent on others. Thus a relationship of solidarity is one in which people mutually esteem each other, in which people mutually sympathise with their various different ways of life, and in which group members can earn self-esteem.

Honneth (p. 121) is convinced that people always need – over and above the experience of affectionate care and legal recognition – a form of social esteem that allows them to relate positively to their concrete traits and abilities.

Classical examples of groups set up for members’ need for solidarity are for example unions, where a large group of people (employees) has come together in the spirit of solidarity to represent the interests of the group as a whole and its individual members. Women’s Refuge or Rape Crisis Centres are examples of movements in which not only the interests of women are represented publicly and politically, but that also provide services such as safe housing, information, and practical support.

When people are unable to acquire self-esteem through solidarity, when their traits and abilities are demoted as inferior, they will lose personal self-esteem. The lack of social approval and group solidarity postulates the devaluation of one’s patterns of self-realization. Individuals “…can not relate to their mode of life as something of positive significance within their community” (Honneth, 1995b, p. 134), which may result in them feeling denigrated and insulted. Of course, this lead to social exclusion and we see many examples of such exclusion in the mental health field, where stigmatisation and discrimination are ‘normal’ experiences.

The mental health patient who is not sick enough to warrant hospitalisation or institutionalisation often subsists at the fringe of society in isolation. If he/she is lucky they receive the occasional visit of a mental health professional or social worker to check on medication. Besides that, they have usually no access to a caring, supportive person that is consistent and willing to establish a close bond built on care and support so that they can develop self-confidence; they are not assertive enough to stand up for their rights and fight for their entitlements so that they can build self-respect, and they usually haven’t got the skills to engage in complex social relationships where they could earn self-esteem.

Without massive amounts of help people who either through illness, abuse, trauma, or poverty find themselves at the periphery of society have little chance to work themselves out of that dilemma and develop the positive self-relations needed for an autonomous and independent life.

So how do you build self-esteem?

Building self-esteem is always linked to be involved in a group or a movement that is organised around a common interest or passion. Such a group can be a sports team, a choir, a volunteer group, a self-improvement group, a political group, or a learning group. It can be a group of colleagues, neighbours, or a post-natal support group. If you want to build-up your self-esteem, joining a group is the only way to get there.

Be The Queen Of Self Esteem

2008-11-25T01:19:00.003+05:00

by Scott Smallwood

Many women have a “missing piece” which is deeply tied to feelings of not being good enough – not being able to measure up to the expectation of others or self, not being pretty enough, not being a good enough spouse or mother, etc. Feelings such as these lead a woman to see herself in a false light. A woman’s self-esteem then falls by the wayside.

Let’s look at a woman’s heart. As a woman, your heart is at the center of who you are. It is the source of all of your creativity and conviction -- the very essence of your being. Your heart is what makes you the crowning jewel of creation! You are hard-wired to have certain desires in your heart which have been set there since birth. As an example, one of these desires might be to be seen as captivating or alluring. Another might be to play a vital role in the life of another.

Few women seem to actually realize such desires. Many deal with the disappointments that result by either hiding out or indulging. It’s often easier to do this than to face the pain felt deep inside. But your questions remain: Am I wanted? Am I captivating to anyone? Am I worthwhile?

I believe that we are all meant to experience lives of joy and fulfillment. However, the desires of a woman’s heart and the way her life actually is are usually miles apart.

The truth is that every woman is someone whom the world desperately needs! Take a look at the creation story. First came the skies, waters, trees, animals, man, and, finally, woman…the crowning jewel. Talk about significance!

Every woman has beauty to unveil.Your beauty doesn’t come from a hair dresser or a plastic surgeon.It was given to you when you were created.

Chances are that you’ve lost sight of your beauty, your gifts, your desires or your purpose. You give so much of yourself to the caring of others that you forget to - or don’t feel that you have the “right” to - care for yourself. You may think that the amount of time you give in caring for others is noble. On one hand, it is. Let me tell you, though, that on the other hand it is not.
In neglecting self care and the occasional indulgence, you are actually short-changing those to whom you devote yourself. You are not able to give them your best because you are not AT your best. Both for their sakes and for yours, you must learn to avoid believing the story in your head that causes you to feel guilty about taking time for YOURSELF.

What Can You Do?

1. Accept responsibility.
Another person is not responsible for your happiness nor can they make you feel less than the woman who you are – the woman that the world desperately needs.

2. Distance yourself from those who are neither loving nor supportive.
Certainly, work to heal and strengthen all your relationships, but avoid those who drag you down. We are here to build each other up, not to tear each other down. Practice loving others AND loving yourself! Know that YOU are loved. Let it sweep over you and fill you up. Be grateful for it. Practicing gratitude is very important.

3. Realize that nothing is constant.
This goes for life and relationships as well as personal development. If you are not moving forward, you are moving backward. You are either living or dying.

4 Take time to recall past accomplishments -
things that made you feel good about yourself, what you did or how you did something. If you did it before, you can do it
again!

5. Find a mentor and model the things you see in them that appeal to you.

6. Change the way you think and the things you believe - the stories that incessantly play themselves over and over in your head. This mental noise is only “make believe.” The stories are not true!

Bolstering your self esteem and coming to believe (to know!) that you are the crowning jewel of creation does not happen by magic – it takes work. I promise you, though, that when you get “there,” it will feel like magic. It all starts with making a decision to change your internal programming and your results. The choice is YOURS. And YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Five Self-Growth Questions

2008-11-25T01:18:00.003+05:00

by William Cottringer

Personal growth can be greatly stimulated when you ask yourself five critical questions and then struggle to get the right answers. This process requires you to use critical thinking, creativity, open-mindedness and above all else, brutal honesty. Here are the five questions:

What can I really control?

It seems to me that the process of growing up involves the gradual realization of how we have wasted so much time trying to control uncontrollable or irrelevant things. Once we start becoming more aware of the illusion of control, we begin to see the few things we can in fact control. Then we go about learning how to best influence the most important things on this short list in more positive, productive ways.

At the top of this control list is the need for more self-management. Especially critical, is the area of controlling our own interpretations of things that happen to us and our reactions to those interpretations. Our interpretations are often wrong and reactions ineffective. The smart reversal of focusing back inwards toward ourselves to better manage these interpretations and reactions is the first real step in personal growth. Unfortunately this important shift usually isn't a smooth one or one you can hurry along, but it does start with the question.

How do I sabotage my own success?

The fear of success is insidious. Probably most of this type of fear is based on some major assumptions of what might happen when you become successful. What will you have to do to achieve it? What will you have to give up? What will it be like? What will you have to do to maintain it? What will happen to you if you lose it? Your mind can go fairly wild with anticipation, before you even become successful at what you are trying to do. In this sense you are preventing your own littler successes from happening, which could have led to bigger ones.

Facing your darker side is not pleasant or easy, but you will never get anywhere until you take ultimate responsibility for where you are or where you aren't. You can't begin to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be until you see who created that gap- yourself. Once you take ownership for all your own best self-sabotaging behaviors you are ready to try and answer the next question.

Why Don't I apply all the good things I learn and know?

Some day I would like to download my brain to retrieve all the fabulous learning that has passed through it. For nearly forty years I have been taught, guided and motivated by the best of the best from the cliffs of Big Sur to the red rocks of the Australian outback. But why did so much of that good stuff not take? Why do we learn so many good things and then not apply them? If I had applied one tenth of the things I knew were right and good, I would have blissfully dissolved in Nirvana by now.

I suppose we all have to come to grips with the question of why we keep pushing the dessert away. My own answers seems to have most to do with my insatiable need to avoid boredom and stir up new excitement. I always need a new challenge and being able to do something well is anti-climatic. In the end, though this is a question you have to look yourself in the mirror and ask and keep asking until you get your answer. Some say it is later than you think, so what are you waiting for?

For whom (or what) am I doing all this?

It usually takes a very long time to understand why you need to give yourself permission to do something just for yourself and for its own intrinsic worth, without any regard for other people or reasons. It takes even longer to start doing that. Long ago I learned that you couldn't make another person happy, only unhappy. But that still didn't keep me from making a mad effort to achieve things with the main intention of trying to either please or impress someone else. This was my attempt to "prove" my worth. The sense of satisfaction and accomplishment never seems to come to you when you are really doing something for someone else or for some ulterior motive.

A major growth surge occurs when you shift focus from the outside to your inside. When you stop doing things for the wrong reasons and cease competing against others and start doing them for yourself, competing against yourself, you finally start getting a genuine sense of satisfaction. And you also start winning more. The early injunction we all get against selfishness is what keeps you from making this shift. You have to shed your guilt first.

What is the best I am capable of?

Many of us dream of greatness but only a few take the first step to develop a detailed plan to get there. Even less endure the difficult voyage that is usually involved. Part of the reason for this status quo is the catch-22 position that we perceive. On the one hand we are teased into believing we can do anything we put our mind to. On the other hand there are subtle warnings everywhere that tell us not to set our goals too high so we won't doom ourselves to unnecessary disappointment and failure. So to be safe we often settle for far worse than second best. Of course the rest of the reason is we can only accomplish real greatness when we cease trying to do it all for the wrong personal reasons.

The truth is you are capable of doing anything you think you are capable of doing. But that doesn't mean it will just happen by magic. If you are not willing to be flexible with your goals and how you can achieve them, to make difficult choices, exchanges and sacrifices, take risky chances and persevere long enough to make your dreams come true, then they won't. This is competition against your own self at its best. The icing on the cake is when you start accomplishing things for no reason other than it is the natural thing to do.

Having the courage to ask these five critical questions and then making the effort to find answers will open a large door ahead to your personal growth. Real growth then occurs when you become free to de-personalize it.

Building A Positive Identity

2008-11-25T01:17:00.003+05:00

by Dr. Gudrun Frerichs

People derive a sense of self and identity through interactions with others who give recognition and approval to a person's abilities and accomplishments. How does that work? As children grow up, they are dependant on 'significant others' for forming of a positive sense of self.

Children need the experiences of a 'human hothouse'. When they are cared for, supported, encouraged, respected, appreciated, and appropriately challenged, children develop the ability to identify, interpret, and realise their needs and desires. This will allow them to become autonomous and self-actualised grown-ups who have self-confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem.

The 'human hothouse' is a metaphor for conditions of protection, ideal (emotional) temperature that is not too hot and not too cold, of shelter from rough storms of life, and of nutritional circumstances that take the changing needs of the child into consideration.

Through experience of this sort the child comes to understand him/herself as being worthy of love, care, protection, consideration, appreciation, and respect. It is able to form a positive sense of Identity and can say "I am OK".

What happens when the 'hothouse' conditions are not given? We'll see struggle in the child, the adolescent and later on in the adult. What will the struggle look like? Difficulty relating, difficulty being independent, difficulty grasping a strong sense of self!

Human integrity is closely linked with patterns of approval and recognition because once wrongly treated by others, people feel insulted or humiliated. Such injustice not only harms or restricts individual freedom but also causes feelings of shame, rage, hurt, or indignation. As a result people are harmed in their positive sense of self and their self development which is only possible through positive interactions with others.

Under most severe circumstances such as rape, torture, assault, discrimination, or marginalisation a person's identity could even be brought to the point of collapse. You'll end up with people with severe psychiatric disturbances, acute suicidal people, or people who get stuck in the social sidelines through gambling, drug abuse, or criminal activities.

What has been found, thought, is that even when childhood circumstances did not support the development of a positive sense of identity, people can 'fill up' on the good stuff later on. That can take place in loving relationships, in self-improvement courses, or through therapy. As they say: Its never too late to have a happy childhood.

Boost Your Confidence Further!

2008-11-25T01:15:00.003+05:00

Modern techniques of hypnosis are nothing like the stereotyped dangling watch, with commands like "when I click my fingers you will forget..." That old approach is neither helpful nor effective. However now the techniques are not at all manipulative and they are extremely effective. YOU are the one who is in control!

Modern methods are about helping you to change your mind set, through giving you powerful information in a relaxed and open state of mind, so that you can get past the self-erected barriers in your thinking, overcome your fears, and adopt effective new strategies to transform your life.

I used to be frighteningly lacking in confidence in social situations. And although people who know me now would never believe it, I used to doubt myself so much that I literally had to learn confidence until it became a natural part of me. I can tell you: relaxed optimistic confidence is just, well, so much more fun! Here I'll tell you about the things that made the most difference to my confidence levels...

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident. Firstly, it's important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won't know when you've got it! So, self confidence means:

Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional 'leakage' into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be 'cool' in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That's how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I've long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I've turned out to be wrong.

Being specific - where do you want confidence? 'Confidence' is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don't need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you've tried to recall someone's name but can't, hours later you'll often find their name pops into your head.

The 'trying to recall' experience set the task or blueprint for your brain's future subconscious behavior which eventually produced the name for you - when you weren't thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

Don't task your mind with negatives. Instead of: 'I don't want to screw up' (which sets the task of 'screwing up' for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn't work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

Use nature's goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for you brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly 'program' the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed hypnotic state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

1. Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember 'confidence' doesn't mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

2. Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as 'calm', 'relaxed' or 'focused'. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

3. Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or 'task' for your unconscious mind.

7 Ways to Soothe your Shyness

2008-11-25T01:12:00.003+05:00

Shy people instinctively know that they are missing out. Shyness equals lost opportunities, less pleasure and fewer social connections. Shyness can be crippling but there are tried and tested ways to make it a thing of the past.

When I was fifteen I was shy. I recall an attractive girl attempting to engage me in conversation. My shyness made me focus on me instead of her. I heard my own voice but not hers and I thought about what I was trying to say instead of what she was trying to say.

The formula for shyness is "too much focus on the self" plus anxiety. To make it even more unpleasant, sometimes when you are feeling shy you experience physical sensations which 'hijack' your calm logical self.

My pulse raced, my mouth dried up and I felt like the village idiot! I couldn't think what to say so I said nothing apart from making barely audible grunting noises! Cary Grant eat your heart out! When I detected pity in her eyes (or was it contempt, or boredom) I mumbled my excuse and got out of there. I hated being shy and was determined to change it.

How shyness is developed and maintained
Shyness really is a combination of social anxiety and social conditioning. To overcome shyness you need to learn to relax socially. This enables you to direct your attention away from yourself and gives you the space to practice certain conversational skills. In most cases, the heightened emotions of socializing when young simply condition the sufferer to respond to social events with fear, instead of excitement and pleasure.

Relaxed socializing is so pleasurable, not to say productive, but it is an advantage denied to many until they learn to relax. To start reducing your own shyness, I want you to absorb the following tips and ideas and start to put them into practice:

Think about the way you feel and behave around familiar people you are comfortable and spontaneous around. It's that feeling transferred to new people and situations that equates to your emerging social confidence.

Focus your attention away from yourself. Sure, you can think a little bit about how you are coming across, but if all your focus is on your own words and feelings then you might as well be by yourself. Notice what other people are wearing and make a mental note, listen to their conversation, imagine where they might live, make a point of remembering names. Not only does this give you more to talk about, it also 'dilutes' social anxiety leaving you feeling calmer.

Ask people open questions. Many people like to talk about themselves and will find you interesting if you find them interesting. Ask questions that require more than a 'yes'/'no' response such as 'What do you like about this place?' rather than: 'Do you like this place?' Once they've answered use 'add-on' questions connected to the first such as: 'What other places do you like in this city…?' Next you can express your views. This is a great way to get the conversation going. If the conversation doesn't 'take' then no matter, you've done your bit.

Stop trusting your imagination so much! Have you ever had an imaginary picture in your mind of a holiday destination only to arrive and find the reality is different from the way you had imagined? That's how reliable imagination is. Stop imagining what others think. I do lots of public speaking and I've long since stopped trying to second guess what others think of me - it's just too painful. Besides, what a person thinks about you has a lot more to do with who they are than who you are.

Stop using 'all or nothing' thinking. The 'completely this/completely that' style of thought occurs when you are emotional. People who are depressed, angry or anxious see reality in terms of differing extremes, simplistic all or nothing terms. An angry person is 'right' and you are 'wrong'; the depressed person feels like a 'failure' while others are a 'success'. In reality, life is composed of infinite gray areas. So stop fearing that you might say the 'wrong' thing! Or that people will 'hate' you. Once you start to relax more socially you'll notice much less black or white thinking because anxiety actually causes you to think in all or nothing terms.

Take your time. You don't have to blurt things out. Ask questions and if questions are asked of you can take time to consider your response (within reason). Don't just blurt out what you think might be the 'right' answer. A slow answer is a relaxed answer.

Finally, use hypnotic rehearsal. Hypnosis is the quickest way to change your instinctive/emotional response to any situation. Only think about meeting others when your mind and body is relaxed.

This conditions you to associate relaxation with being around new people. In fact you'll find that when you relax deeply enough often enough whilst hypnotically rehearsing being comfortable around others you'll reach the point where you just can't be shy any more! This is what I call a 'happy inability!'

07 Tips to Increase Confidence

2008-11-25T01:11:00.003+05:00

by Kent Sayre

1.) Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” Too often, we place excess importance on potential problems. We all have a certain amount of energy so let’s apply it to creating extraordinary relationships, advancing our careers and meeting our goals INSTEAD of wasting that energy worrying. Take action on what you have control over and minimize risks for what you don’t. Then invest your energy wisely. Remember the word “Confidence”.

2.) In doing something for the first time, imagine that you have already done it in the past. Close your eyes, then vividly imagine you succeeding wildly at what you are really going to do for the first time. The mind does NOT know the difference between something VIVIDLY imagined and something real. Make it vivid by involving all 5 senses. Remember the word “Confidence”.

3.) Find someone who is already confident in that area and copy them. Model as many of their behaviors, attitudes, values, and beliefs for the context you want to be confident in as you can. How can you do this? Talk with them if you have access to them. If you don’t have access to them, get as much exposure to them as you can. This could be talking to people who know the person and/or buying their products if they have some. Remember the word “Confidence”.

4.) Use the “as-if” frame. I literally love this frame of mind. If you were confident, how would you be acting? How would you be moving? How would you be speaking? What would you be thinking? What would you tell yourself inside? By asking yourself these questions, you are literally forced to answer them by going into a confident state. You will then be acting “as-if” you are confident. Now just forget you are acting long enough and pretty soon you’ll develop it into a habit. Remember the word “Confidence”.

5.) Go into the future and ask if what you’re faced with is such a big deal. This might be a bit morbid and yet this works tremendously well. Imagine yourself on your deathbed looking back over your life. You are surrounded by your friends and family. You’re reviewing your life. Is what you’re faced with now even going to pop up? That’s highly unlikely. Keeping things in proper perspective really diminishes fear. Remember the word “Confidence”.

6.) Remember that you lose out on 100% of the opportunities that you never go for. To get what you want, ask for it. I fully believe that if I ask enough people for whatever I want, I can get it. This is not necessarily true and yet it’s a useful belief. As you think about your goals and what you are striving for, how effective would it be for you to believe that all the people out there want to help you if you only ask? Whether that is true or not in the “real world” does not matter. If you find that belief empowering, I invite you to adopt it as your own. Remember the word “Confidence”.

7.) Disarm the nagging, negative internal voice. That negative internal voice can keep anyone stopped. To disarm the internal voice, imagine a volume control and lower the volume. Or how about changing the internal voice to Mickey Mouse? Do you think you could take Mickey Mouse seriously if he were criticizing you? Change the voice to a clown voice. The point is to disarm the voice by altering the way it nags at you. If I hear my own voice nagging me, it stops me. If I hear a clown voice, I laugh and continue onward. Remember the word “Confidence”.

10 Ways to Start Taking Control

2008-11-25T01:10:00.003+05:00

by Nicholas Tan

At first glance, it would seem that positive thinking and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) have nothing to do with one another. But many of us with ADD develop negative thinking patterns because we become frustrated by our challenges and frequent feelings of being overwhelmed. This negative outlook then makes it even harder for us to manage those challenges and move forward.

Practicing positive thinking allows people with ADD to focus on our strengths and accomplishments, which increases happiness and motivation. This, in turn, allows us to spend more time making progress, and less time feeling down and stuck. The following tips provide practical suggestions that you can use to help you shift into more positive thinking patterns:

1. Take Good Care of Yourself
It's much easier to be positive when you are eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest.

2. Remind Yourself of the Things You Are Grateful For
Stresses and challenges don't seem quite as bad when you are constantly reminding yourself of the things that are right in life. Taking just 60 seconds a day to stop and appreciate the good things will make a huge difference.

3. Look for the Proof Instead of Making Assumptions
A fear of not being liked or accepted sometimes leads us to assume that we know what others are thinking, but our fears are usually not reality. If you have a fear that a friend or family member's bad mood is due to something you did, or that your co-workers are secretly gossiping about you when you turn your back, speak up and ask them. Don't waste time worrying that you did something wrong unless you have proof that there is something to worry about.

4. Refrain from Using Absolutes
Have you ever told a partner "You're ALWAYS late!" or complained to a friend "You NEVER call me!"? Thinking and speaking in absolutes like 'always' and 'never' makes the situation seem worse than it is, and programs your brain into believing that certain people are incapable of delivering.

5. Detach From Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts can't hold any power over you if you don't judge them. If you notice yourself having a negative thought, detach from it, witness it, and don't follow it.

6. Squash the "ANTs"
In his book "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life," Dr. Daniel Amen talks about "ANTs" - Automatic Negative Thoughts. These are the bad thoughts that are usually reactionary, like "Those people are laughing, they must be talking about me," or "The boss wants to see me? It must be bad!" When you notice these thoughts, realize that they are nothing more than ANTs and squash them!

7. Practice Lovin', Touchin' & Squeezin' (Your Friends and Family)
You don't have to be an expert to know the benefits of a good hug. Positive physical contact with friends, loved ones, and even pets, is an instant pick-me-up. One research study on this subject had a waitress touch some of her customers on the arm as she handed them their checks. She received higher tips from these customers than from the ones she didn't touch!

8. Increase Your Social Activity
By increasing social activity, you decrease loneliness. Surround yourself with healthy, happy people, and their positive energy will affect you in a positive way!

9. Volunteer for an Organization, or Help another Person
Everyone feels good after helping. You can volunteer your time, your money, or your resources. The more positive energy you put out into the world, the more you will receive in return.

10. Use Pattern Interrupts to Combat Rumination
If you find yourself ruminating, a great way to stop it is to interrupt the pattern and force yourself to do something completely different. Rumination is like hyper-focus on something negative. It's never productive, because it's not rational or solution-oriented, it's just excessive worry. Try changing your physical environment - go for a walk or sit outside. You could also call a friend, pick up a book, or turn on some music.

When it comes to the corporate world, protocol is pretty much the religion. To know the things needed to do are the basics of productivity, but interaction and having a steady mind makes up the entire thing to true productivity. There are those who seem to work well even under pressure, but they're uncommon ones and we are human and imperfect. To get these little things like stress under our skins won't solve our problems. Sometimes it takes a bit of courage to admit that we're turning to be workaholics than tell ourselves that we're not doing our best.

10 Terrific Self Motivating Tips

2008-11-25T01:08:00.003+05:00

By Mike Moore

No one can motivate anyone to do anything. All a person can do for another is provide them with incentives to motivate themselves. Here are ten very effective strategies to help you get up and get moving toward actualizing your enormous, untapped potential.

01- Be willing to leave your comfort zone. The greatest barrier to achieving your potential is your comfort zone. Great things happen when you make friends with your discomfort zone.

02 - Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Wisdom helps us avoid making mistakes and comes from making a million of them.

03 - Don't indulge in self-limiting thinking. Think empowering, expansive thoughts.

04 - Choose to be happy. Happy people are easily motivated. Happiness is your birthright so don't settle for anything else.

05 - Spend at least one hour a day in self-development. Read good books or listen to inspiring tapes. Driving to and from work provides an excellent opportunity to listen to self-improvement tapes.

06 - Train yourself to finish what you start. So many of us become scattered as we try to accomplish a task. Finish one task before you begin another.

07 - Live fully in the present moment. When you live in the past or the future you aren't able to make things happen in the present.

08 - Commit yourself to joy. C.S. Lewis once said, "Joy is the serious business of heaven."

09 - Never quit when you experience a setback or frustration. Success could be just around the corner.

10 - Dare to dream big dreams. If there is anything to the law of expectation then we are moving in the direction of our dreams, goals and expectations.

The real tragedy in life is not in how much we suffer, but rather in how much we miss, so don't miss a thing.

Charles Dubois once said, "We must be prepared, at any moment, to sacrifice who we are for who we are capable of becoming."

Build Confidence With Enthusiasm

2008-11-24T00:57:00.003+05:00

Confidence building is the missing link for greater personal success and happiness. Without understanding the importance of confidence building your self-confidence will suffer.

You have the power to enthusiastically undertake a program of personal confidence building. Does this statement surprise you?

It shouldn't, because you were born with the power to observe, make reasonable assumptions and decisions.

The most successful people in our world know more than you realize about confidence building! These achievers work on confidence building to gain confidence and to achieve on a grand scale.

How you develop your power depends upon your personality as well as the environment you grew up in. As youngsters (and adults as well) you may have been told that you are stupid, dumb, no good, etc.

Don't you believe it! All you need is the right confidence building help.

If you are one of these unfortunate ones who grew up under such circumstances, or if you have not developed a high confidence level, now's the time to learn confidence building techniques that can change your life.

You can go from failure to success in every aspect of your life when you develop confidence building skills that may make you seem like a different person who is focused, balanced, energetic, enthusiastic and confident.

It's easy when you are armed with the proper knowledge to guide you through the confidence building process.

1. Associate with people whom you admire for their self-confident attitude. The old phrase, "you are known by the company you keep" may not be just an empty phrase.By associating with confident people, your own level of confidence is sure to improve.

2. Don't give up - keep going and trying out your confidence building techniques even when it seems hopeless.

Hardships and adversity are a necessary part of life that can help strengthen you and prepare you for future hard-earned successes.

3. It may seem difficult, but a warm, genuine personality is a must when building confidence. If you are a fake, others will be aware and may reject you.

By the way, don't take rejection as permanent - keep practicing your confidence building skills. Remember, you've got to crawl before you can walk.

4. You must develop the power within you to be successful at confidence building. This means to accept reality that you are not self-confident at the moment, but that you desire to be so and then make it happen.

Draw from your inner strength that has been there all your life and develop it into a positive personality trait.

5. Be enthusiastic and take on new challenges with a smile. If you want to become self confident you must work at it constantly.

Go to that party that you'd rather skip and let others know you are there and have a lot to contribute. They will recognize you as a most desirable person to get to know better.

6. You must desperately want to improve your lot in life, and you must want to do it now. If you are tired of being alone with no friends, you should remember that you must be a friend to have a friend.

Instead of hanging back and waiting for someone else to make the first move toward friendship, initiate a conversation yourself. You may find the best friend you ever had.

There are many self-help books that are available to help you with actual techniques and case scenarios that will enable you to go through the confidence building process.

Keep in mind that to succeed you must want something badly enough to work hard to make it happen. Don't hesitate or give a halfhearted effort in finding a way to increase your confidence building skills. You can change your life and
now is the time to start.

What else can you do for confidence building even when dealing with difficult interpersonal situations?

Great Confidence Builder Tips

2008-11-24T00:52:00.003+05:00

The most successful people have a dirty secret. They know how important the right confidence builder is at the right moment.

Without the right confidence builder they would fail much more often.

We all need a confidence builder at times - a way to increase confidence when times are tough and a way to maintain self-confidence when nothing seems to be working out.

A confidence builder is a way to get back on track, a way for you to build self confidence and get back on track. The best confidence builder is an appreciation of your own abilities.

You have probably noticed those people at work, school, and in your daily life that always appear to be self confident and on top of world. They radiate self-confidence.

They seem to have no need for a confidence builder - still they likely have many ways to increase confidence.

Everything seems to go right for these people and they always seem to present themselves as calm,
collected and successful in everything they do.

If you are paying attention you have probably noticed that these self confident people usually are successful in every area of their lives. They know how important a confidence builder is.

Is this because they are smarter? Or is it because they have more money? Maybe they are just lucky?

The reality is that none of these things are necessarily true. Self confident people understand the impact of believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.

This is a confidence builder that ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success another self confidence building block is put into place.Success builds upon success reinforcing self confidence with each new achievement.

Self confident people perceive themselves as able to achieve those things they set out to do and this perception creates reality in their lives. And another confidence builder is in place.

Yes, perception creates reality. You can become the person you want to be. You have heard it said that if you can believe it you can achieve it with your own confidence builder.

So start believing in yourself, acting on that belief and you will start building self confidence in your life.

Here are some helpful tips to increase self confidence one success at a time. Each one is a potential confidence builder.

1. Make a list of your strong points.

All the positive things about yourself and the things that you are good at doing. Think of compliments you have received or things that come easily to you. It doesn't matter what it is, if it's good, write it down.

Remember, a confidence builder does not have to be complicated to work. Any personal quality that allows you to build self confidence is great.

2. Choose two of those things that you want to work on to improve even more.

It's important to succeed and by concentrating on the areas you are already good at you will have a better chance of becoming even more sure of yourself.

Remember that success builds upon success.This is a key to finding the right confidence builder for you at this time. i.e. find one confidence builder, then another.

It gets easier to spot an experience that could be a confidence builder the more you look for them.

3. Exude confidence even if you don't feel like it.

Talk to yourself in an encouraging way and stay away from negative thoughts and people as you can.

Instead surround yourself with positive, confident, and successful people. This will become a habit and one that will build confidence. And before you know it you will have created another confidence builder.

4. Look at yourself in a different way than you are used to doing.

It can change your life and be the confidence builder you really need to improve your life. See yourself as the self confident person you want to be and before you know it you will become that person.

If you have a set-back do not let it get the best of you. Remember the times when you exhibited self confidence and how good it felt and then try again and each time will help you to build confidence and confidence building will become a way of life.

The ultimate confidence builder is a great attitude - never give up!

Seven Powerful Confidence Tips

2008-11-24T00:48:00.003+05:00

Even winners need confidence tips to be at their best. And some good confidence tips are often all you need to keep on track when you need some inspiration.

When you find the right confidence tips for your life and apply these simple yet profound confidence tips the quality of you life can change in a moment.

Here are seven confidence tips for your enjoyment...

1) Spend time each day with confident people.

Their energy and inner strength is so inspiring that you will find yourself feeling more empowered just by listening to them talk.

And you can get confidence tips from them. All you need to do is ask! Even one good confidence tip could point you in a whole new direction you would not have otherwise considered.

2) Find a mentor.

Nearly all successful people have a mentor. You too need someone who has already done what you are working to achieve who is willing to advise you and offer confidence tips.

This person will help you to succeed even more quickly than you can imagine. Remember, two minds are better than one.

When you have someone who believes in you and you have a plan you believe in -- your confidence will soar. The confidence tips you learn will make all the difference.

3) Understand that confidence is only a feeling.

This is one of those unusual confidence tips but still very useful.

Have you ever felt confident? If you have ever felt confident in any situation then you can feel confident again in the future.

How? By re-accessing that confident feeling. This is something that is worth doing every day. Spend 15 minutes a day reliving occasions in your life when you felt confident. Imagine it all in rich detail and pay very close attention to the feelings of confidence.

After only a few days, feeling confident will become a good habit. And you will appreciate the value of these confidence tips.

4) List your reasons to be confident

Becoming aware of why you can be confident will help you get back on track. Make a list of at least 50 reasons why you can be confident today. Include previous successes, your skills and qualities, your support network and your goals. Put down everything that pops into your mind.

After you have done this you will have tapped into the power of consistency. You will be under pressure to be consistent with your own logic that stated you can be confident.

Again, using confidence tips like this is the only way to see how powerful they are - thinking about it will make no difference.

5) Make a public declaration

Tell someone whose opinion you value that you will be confident at a particular event. Your desire to impress this person will cause you to do all that you can to be at your very best.

And when you demand more of yourself you will be amazed at what you can do. You will start finding solutions to problems that left you stuck and you will seek advice from people who can help you.

This will force you to get moving, only then will the other confidence tips make complete sense.

6) Preparation makes perfect

Have you ever watched a top sportsperson in action and wondered to yourself at how easy she makes it look? Or
listened to your favorite music CD and felt inspired by the talent of the singer?

These performers live these confidence tips.

Think. How did these superstars get to the top? Practice, practice and more practice. I read an article about Pavarotti, the opera singer, and he said he practices daily and he still learns something new about his voice each day!

When you spend more time honing your skills your confidence will soar because you will know with certainty that you can and will perform when the curtain goes up.

7) Self comparison is key

Compare your progress in life with your previous results. Look to the success of others to learn and not to measure your own success.

When you put your focus on the daily improvement of your own skills and abilities you can and will grow very quickly. And your confidence will surge. You will be a living example of the power of these simple confidence tips.

Confidence without competence is a dangerous combination.

Make it easy for yourself and only engage in self-comparison when you are assessing your progress. By doing this you will make it easier to keep at it when the going gets tough and your competence will grow day by day.

Now, reading these confidence tips may may you feel better but remember you really need to use these confidence tips to see results so go and use these confidence tips right away!

Confidence To Improve Your Life

2008-11-24T00:44:00.003+05:00

The best way to build confidence and to gain confidence is to learn and grow a little at a time.

When some people decide they want to build confidence in themselves they aim too high and fall short. They then give up without learning that the easy way to build confidence is to take it a step at a time.

Do you know how to build confidence?

One of the best personal attributes one can have is self-confidence. A positive relationship with others fosters a sense of self-worth that contributes to the image you have of yourself and all this starts when you build confidence.

Even if you are shy and retiring, you can build confidence which you need to propel you from obscurity into a place of honor within your circle of acquaintances.

When you build confidence it can help you develop new friends, and may even help you get that promotion you want at work. Recent research shows that supervisors value your attitude more than your actual knowledge about your job.

The job can be learned, but an attitude is a personality trait that comes naturally to those who know how to gain confidence.

If you are not self-confident, there are techniques that can help you build confidence:

1. You have to invest time to learn how to build confidence. Even those who appear to be very self-confident have faced situations where they were not comfortable in groups and felt alone and rejected. they had to learn how to build confidence just like you.

Observe the actions of self-confident people and make their personality traits yours as well. You can imitate their actions and slowly learn to develop your own personality traits that will lead you to build confidence.

2. Most people dread walking into a room filled with strangers, either at work, conferences or parties. It is difficult to appear to be forceful and confident, but if you practice putting on a happy face, it will soon become second nature for you to do so (and may even help you actually be happy).

How can you build confidence in these situations?

Attend social functions even though you'd rather stay at home reading a book. Practice your confidence-building techniques until they become part of your personality.

3. Appearances count for a lot in projecting an image of a self-confident individual. When interacting with others, don't stay glued to the wall.

Mingle with others and initiate conversations in a friendly, interested manner. Even though you may be quaking with insecurities inside, if you appear self-confident it becomes easier to converse with others and will also make you more approachable. Little by little you will build confidence

4. When you project a self-assured image, you'll find that others respond in a positive manner to your overtures of friendship.

Don't be afraid to join a group or activity that is already in progress. You have something to contribute, and others will know it. A little stretch will help you to build confidence

5. We've all admired and envied the person who has the "gift of gab." They appear to effortlessly engage in conversation in any group on any subject.

These people aren't necessarily born with this ability. For most people it is an acquired trait that is learned over a period of time. You can learn how to build confidence in the same way.

It is important to be in tune with others by observing their expressions, their emotions and body language to know whether they are approachable or genuinely want to be left alone. Remember, though, that even a loner will appreciate a friendly greeting.

6. Being a good conversationalist is essential when learning how to build confidence. Off-the-wall comments, while they do have their place perhaps during a lull in the conversation, are generally avoided.

Your contributions to a conversation need to be on target with the subject being discussed. Easing into a conversation gradually after listening for a few minutes is preferable to simply butting in.

Watch for an opening in the conversation to introduce yourself and make a comment or two; don't hog the conversation.

To build confidence can be a long, arduous process that takes time. Be prepared for rejection some of the time but don't take it as a personal rebuff.

Keep up your self-confident image and practice what you've learned about building self-confidence. It will soon come naturally to you.

Why do you want to build confidence?

What will it give you?

Apart from better relationships at home and at work most people want to be able to get along more easily with people they meet.

And this is where so many people take a wrong turn.

Instead of learning advanced self-confidence techniques which are easy to learn and straightforward to use -- they learn about positive thinking and think that is all they need to do to build confidence.

In the past you were more or less stuck if you wanted to change your habitual ways of dealing with people. And it took a lot of effort to build confidence. The major and new difference now is that there have been major breakthroughs in the field of peak performance.

It is now possible for you to quickly and easily change how well you interact with others and to go from having difficulties to being able to build confidence when dealing with people. Or to go from having good people skills to becoming exceptional.

And this can happen faster than you think. If you really want to build confidence there is nothing stopping you except yourself.

Being Confident at All Times

2008-11-24T00:40:00.003+05:00

Knowing how to be confident is a critical life skill and learning how to gain confidence is easier than many think.

Most highly successful people are known to be confident. They know how to gain confidence and they understand the importance of improving self confidence in the face of resistance from other people.

That is why knowing how to be confident is so very important... There are times when others will treat you harshly even if you don´t deserve such treatment. Do you know how to be confident when this happens?

The resulting lack of self-confidence is sometimes made worse by the way you talk to yourself...Don´t despair learning how to be confident is really only a matter of strategy And thankfully it is easier than you think to learn how to gain confidence when you correctly answer the question:

what is confidence? Improving self confidence only requires that you find a strategy that works and use it!

It does no good to think negative thoughts about yourself and admonish yourself for "saying the wrong thing" to someone or feel that you've messed up again in your relationship with others. Doing so will not help you to be confident. Improving self confidence starts with a positive attitude.

This type of thinking only further reinforces the fact that you have little or no self-confidence. It does not help you when it comes to improving self confidence You are someone special. You are smart. You are interesting and appealing to others.

And you can learn how to be confident even if you sometimes wonder - what is confidence and how
can you gain confidence?

You have a message for the world, and you need to learn to get the message out. A few suggestions here can help you to be confident so as to project the image you want the world to see.

1. It's not always about you. Maybe the person you think slighted you has had a bad day, or heaven forbid, maybe the person just isn't nice. So What? You can still be confident despite their bad attitude.

You can turn the situation around by asking some general, interesting questions about the person. This may bring the person out of the bad mood and who knows, you might put a little sunshine into someone else's life for a change. The point is if you want to be confident don´t wait for others to allow you.

2. Quit taking everything so personally if you want to be confident. Knowing how to be confident is a critical life skill and learning how to gain confidence is easier than many think.

Accept the fact that some people just aren't socially adept, and they may have even less self-confidence than you do. They may need lessons on how to be confident too!

Don't let someone else spoil your day. Don't respond to negative feelings and above all, don't let yourself be provoked. Think positive to keep your emotions in check.

Negative thoughts sap your energy and serve no purpose and to be confident all day long you must stay positive.

3. Do you think you're the only one out there who gets rejected? Think again! There are selfish people who only think "me, me, me" to the exclusion of everyone else.

Knowing how to be confident is easier when you accept that others face and deal with the same challenges.

Even the most successful people are rejected (singer/songwriter Rod Stewart was rejected several times because his voice was "too gravelly and coarse." He didn't give up and today is rich and famous.)

If you really want to know how to be confident and gain confidence you must learn to deal with rejection. What is confidence? The ability to keep going in the face of rejection and feel good anyway!

4. Don't give up. The old saying, "if at first you don't succeed, try again" holds true for the person with no self-confidence. To be confident keep focusing on what you can do.

If things don't go your way, come up with an alternate plan. If that's not accepted (remember, it not about you; it's about an idea) keep trying and persisting - this is a great way to learn how to be confident by gradually improving self confidence with each challenge you face.

5. Stop focusing on yourself and dwelling on your perceived shortcomings all the time. Focus instead on your goals and what you have to do to achieve them. This is critical when working on how to be confident.

Stop talking about yourself all the time. Other people get tired of hearing about you constantly. Concentrate on a genuine conversation about other people and other topics.

With a little self-help, you can overcome your feelings of inadequacy and learn how to gain confidence. Before long you will be confident more often than you are not.

While you are honing your skills at becoming confident, the image you want to project is one of a person who is in command of self and someone worth knowing and sharing ideas and conversations with.

Make sure to use these ideas today and enjoy a very happy and confident week now that you know more about gaining confidence.

Imagine how good you will feel exuding confidence and charm, impressing family and friends as your true personality shines.

How Do You Build Self-Confidence?

2008-11-24T00:30:00.003+05:00

Years ago while running an at-home daycare, I came to realize that we are all born with an innate sense of self-confidence. Every single child under the age of five that I have ever observed has had a strong self-confidence in at least one area of their life. Most kids had confidence in all areas of their lives. It seems to me that they systematically lose that confidence and it is replaced by an inner critic. Quite often, it is the child’s home life, but sometimes it is the schools, neighborhood kids, extended family, or some other person who unknowingly destroys the child’s belief in themselves.

Children have to be told they are not good enough, strong enough, smart enough, or talented enough to accomplish whatever it is they are trying to do. Unfortunately, most of us are told exactly that. So, how do we rebuild that sense of self-confidence?

The first thing I want you to do is to imagine that you had an ideal loving emotionally supportive childhood. Think about what kind of person you would have been if you had been raised to believe in yourself and in your natural gifts and talents. What were those gifts and talents? What were you really good at? What kinds of activities came easy for you? Now write down a list of talents, traits, attributes, and gifts that you loved and probably excelled at before you were convinced that you were not any good at them. Choose items from that list for the next step.

Self-confidence is destroyed one piece at a time. So, you are going to rebuild it one piece at a time. Pick things from your list and plan out tiny baby steps. Were you meant to be a great artist? Then start out by doodling. Just start carrying a pencil and paper around with you and allow yourself to absentmindedly doodle little pictures.

Eventually, allow the passion to find it is way through you and you will begin to draw bigger and better, adding paints or whatever medium you were always meant to use. Were you supposed to be a musician? Then start humming little tunes in your head, begin playing around with an instrument. If it is possible, carry an instrument around with you and whenever you are bored or have some downtime, just sit and absentmindedly allow your fingers to play with it until the music within you begins calling to you again.

Whatever the thing, pick something from your list and begin to play with it without paying a lot of attention to being perfect or talented or anything else. Just hold the tools and space out for a while so that you can get out of your own self-consciousness and just play with the tools. Nobody has to know if you do not want them to.

Repeat this process as much as you can. Keep picking up pieces of yourself on that list and adding them back into your sense of self. Do not wait until you have become really good at the first new skill before picking up another one. Just play with each item on your list as the mood crosses you.

There is no need to beat yourself up for not being super talented because in reality all you are doing is simply playing with toys that remind you of your childhood. Allow your inner child, inner teenager, inner artist, inner musician to simply play. Eventually, you will come to realize one day that you do have natural gifts and talents and that will go a long way towards building your self-confidence.

That is all good and well if your confidence problems center around skills, but what if your lack of self-confidence happens to be in the interpersonal relationships area? Are you painfully shy? Too afraid of rejection to even reach out to connect with others? Do you beat yourself up for not looking just so? Depending on the severity of your self-sabotaging belief system, you may want to get a professional therapist to help you with this.

If it is not too bad, but you have less self-esteem then you would like to have, then ask someone that you trust to help you with this part. Ask your friend to point out examples of other people who look or act like you. For example, if you think you are fat and everyone says you are not, then have your friend point out to you other people who are built like you. Have them compare your figure to someone famous. Chances are they will not say Orson Wells! Few people are really horribly fat.

Eventually, it will sink in that you are not really as fat as you think you are. If you are really worried that people will think you are stupid or dull when they first meet you, then have your friend rehearse with you so that you can feel comfortable making small talk with new people.

What if through practicing a new skill or through working on social skills and your personal image with a friend, you find out that you need to actually work on something? Maybe you do have a few pounds to lose. Maybe you need singing lessons. Okay, so be it.

That is not a reason to quit moving forward with building upon your fragile new sense of confidence. Just go get the help, the lessons, the workout routine, the coaching or whatever else it is that you need to continue moving forward. There will always be teachers and coaches of some sort because there will always be people reaching beyond where they already are.

The only problem with a low self-confidence is that we stop giving ourselves permission to learn new things. The fact that we do not know how to be or do everything perfectly is not a good reason to lose confidence in ourselves. As long as you can play at new things and can learn, then you are able to improve and grow. At some point, turn around and look at how far you have come. Pride will show itself.

Ways to Expand Your Comfort Zone

2008-11-24T00:26:00.003+05:00

Expanding your comfort zone is not quite the same as building self-confidence. However, the two do fit together rather nicely. The one begets the other. So many people feel stuck in a rut… bored from a routine that is safe and comfortable but not very exciting. Fear of falling flat on your face or of looking foolish stops you from reaching out beyond that cozy little life you have created for yourself.

If your goal is to expand your comfort zone, then you must think positive while doing so. Remember that nothing really bad can happen to you if you are smart in how you go about trying new things. It is all just new adventures. Become like a curious child and have some fun.

1) Join Toastmasters or take a theater class. The idea here is that you force yourself into public speaking. By learning how to project your voice and how to think clearly while on stage, you will be able to better conduct yourself in business and when getting your point across to others. This will build a lot of self-confidence, which will help you to really push your comfort zone in regards to speaking out in front of others. Everyone is always terrified at first. Public speaking is the number one phobia in America. You will be shocked to discover just how much fun this can be. You will get bit by the acting bug or the public speaking bug before you know it. It will most likely become a new hobby that you will love dearly.

2) Drive home a different route every day for a week and shop at a completely new grocery store. By breaking out of your normal daily routine, you become aware of just how much time you spend tucked away safely within your comfort zone. Breaking out of your rut can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or rearranging the furniture at home. You can trade bedrooms with one of your roommates or move into a new home. Go on vacation to a completely unfamiliar location. The idea here is to change your physical environment and to mix up your overall sensory experiences. By forcing yourself into new locations, you not only become aware of how attached you are to your favorite old haunts, but you also force yourself to see the world from a new angle.

3) Learn a new sport. This one has to be done with respect to your age and physical health. For some it could be an extreme sport like skydiving. For others it could be learning to play tennis or to play golf. The idea is that you again force yourself into meeting other people while pushing yourself physically into unknown territories. You should obviously pick something that you will enjoy doing and that will not hurt. If you have bad knees do not take up running or high impact aerobics. If you are bored out of your mind while watching baseball, then you probably are not going to enjoy playing it either. You also need to consider honestly whether or not you are a team player. You might be better off learning to rock climb rather than playing flag football. Whatever you choose, commit yourself to learning it completely and be safe.

4) Compliment three strangers each day for a week. This is not the same as public speaking. This is private speaking. In order to do this one correctly, you have to become fully aware of the people around you. You would be amazed at just how many strangers you pass every day. You also have to think of genuinely nice things to say. It is not enough to simply speak to three strangers, but to compliment them forces you to think about the person before you speak to them. We can randomly say, “Nice weather we’re having” to everyone we meet. That is not really connecting and concentrating on another human being. Force yourself outside of your comfort zone so as to tell strangers that you noticed something good about them. You will make their day and your own. You may even find yourself with some new friends by the end of the week.

5) Volunteer at an elderly care center, a children’s cancer clinic, or an AIDS hospice center. They will love you for just showing up and in conversing with them, you will learn all about people’s real regrets in life. People never say, “I really did experience too many adventures.” Instead, they almost always comment on all of the adventures they denied themselves. They talk of how if they had it to do all over again… how they would be more spontaneous and loving. There is nothing quite like seeing folks at the end of their life to make you really appreciate your own. Spend some time giving of yourself to those who do not have a lot of time left and you will soon come to realize how much the world has to offer. Perhaps you will want to take a bigger bite out of life before it is too late?

All of these ideas are variations on the same theme. You are to practice becoming spontaneous. The whole point of a too tight comfort zone is that you do not give yourself room to be free, playful, and spontaneous. You are too self-censoring and too routine for your own happiness. Once you have tried a few things on this list, then make a list of 100 things that you want to accomplish before you die and start doing them.

Have a wonderful time with this concept. There is no reason to expand your comfort zone so as to take on more work duties or more responsibilities. You will have enough of that thrust upon you in life. You are going to do this exercise for your own happiness and nobody else’s. Give yourself permission to expand your wings so you can fly a little higher and a little further to see what else is out there.